re: Nursing

ok ngayon magsusulat naman ako tungkol sa nursing and my life as a struggling student nurse. lahat naman ata ng kilala kong nagta-take ng nursing ang rason eh dahil sinabi ng parents or good income. aaminin ko yun din ang mga rason ko. sa totoo lang i dont even know why i took up nursing. dati nung nasa pinas pa ako, i had that passion to care for people. i wanted to make a change in people's lives. back then it all seemed so clear and easy. may plano kasi akong sinusundan. and i think the biggest thing is nakaka-relate ako sa mga patients ko. yes madalas din akong mapamura and maasar sa mga tambak tambak na assignments, pero at the end of the day it was all worth it kasi alam kong i learned something na magagamit ko. it all seemed so exciting. pero now im lost. parang wala n akong motivation para mag-continue. im just doing para lang may masabi na may "ginagawa" ako sa buhay ko and that im "headed" somewhere. i've never felt so slack in my life. i wanna be a somebody. ayokong napag-iiwanan adn lalong ayokong magpatalo. iniwan n ako ng mga batchmates ko and wala na akong magagawa dun. the only thing na kaya kong baguhin is kung nasan man ako ngayon. last week i failed my skills RD and i received a learning contract sa clinical rotation ko. it was such a wake up call. natakot ako na baka dahil sa kaka-slack ko and sa kakamukmok ko about the past, lalo lang masira yung future ko. natakot ako para sa sarili ko. its the same feeling i had nung nalaman kong buntis ako. and it sucks. masyado akong naging pabaya sa studies ko ang i settle for average and adequate. as long as i get a C im happy. pero this time naging evident sakin na napagiiwanan nanaman ako. all my classmates are functioning at a second year level or more and ako? they found me unsatisfactory. i've never failed anything in my life and i've never performed "unsatisfactory" before they don't know what they're messing with. ok na rin yun kasi napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na if i try i can do it. na i am capable to be a nurse. next week is my RD redo and the following week is my clinical evalutaion. im doing all that i can para pumasa so lets just hope for the best