alone again

sobrang hirap pala mag-isa. i thought i was gonna pull it off pero mukhang hindi ko kaya. and the worst thing is feeling ko pati si erick mawawala na sakin. haha. i finally get what i deserved. to be alone totally. minsan napapaisip ako, pano ba ako nakarating sa ganito. from someone who is loved by all and halos lahat ng tao dati gusto akong maging friend to being this alone, lonely and miserable. parang sobrang ironic. parang i had a 180 degree turn and everything is totally out of sync.

friends...
back home i was not popular, i was not cool, hindi rin ako ang pinakamatalino but at the same time hindi rin ako nerd, castout or weirdo. i was just simply me. i did not hang out with the cool crowd pero i was friends with them and ganun din with the opposite crowd. para akong si ginger. im friends with courtney but at the same time im also friends with the unpopular kids in school. sabi ng close friends ko noon, htey would describe me as a "toilet bawl". haha. funny. sabi ni michelle hingahan daw kasi ako ng mga problema ng tao. and i am proud of it, im proud to say na somehow kahit mga strangers at yung mga pinakasecretive at eluded sa klase namin eh nakakpag-open up sakin. i dont give advice kasi i suck at giving advice, pero im pretty damn good at listening to what other have to say. i know what it feels like to have someone actually take the time to listen to what you have to say. yun bang parang while you are having the worst day of your life, biglang may magtatanong kung okei ka lang ba. ewan ko pero para sakin somehow parang yun yung break na kailangan mo for that day. feeling ko sa dinadami dami ng tao sa mundo, may isang tao na tinigil yung ginagawa nia para tanungin kung kamusta ka na ba. yung mga simple act na ganun alam kong malaki ang nagagawa para sa iba, kaya i take the time to listen. siyempre na dedepress din ako dati pero okei lang i learned to pick myself up and go on para na rin sa mga taong nagrerelay sakin na sasaluhin ko sila in their moment of need. honestly ganun akong tao, i would drop everything im doing if i know that you desperately need me. im thankful for philippe, xa yung sumalo sakin when i was totally devastated kay lee. dati i was never left alone, ako p nga yung lumalayo eh para lang magkaroon ako ng alone time. like literally my friends wont leave me alone parang they always want to be with me. i guess i was just so used to it...
but now haha im the complete opposite. para akong spec sa hangin. parang naging evident sakin kung gaano kalaki ang mundo. prang im lost in a big big world where everything is so new to me tapos i have no one to hold on to. prang for the first time in my life natututo akong maglakad mag-isa. bat ganun ngayon pa ako nawalan ng friends just when i need them the most. well, it made me stronger for sure. natuto akong mag look out for myself and hindi ako umaasa sa iba. if i want something, i have to do it myself dahil wala na akong maasahan eh. its good dahil natuto akong makinig at magseryoso sa studies ko. but then it really is lonely. until now im still wondering how far i can go. and until now im still longing for what i used to have. sana hindi ko tinake for granted yung mga friends ko. well yung ma friends ko dito are trying to get a hold of me pero siguro dahil na din sa ayoko makisama sa knila. i chose to be alone kaya pinaninindigan ko. i built up walls around me so that no one can come near me. araw- araw, im trying to be strong and im really trying hard not to let the sorrow show. ma pride kasi ako eh. ayoko sa lahat yung kinakaawaan ako. i dont want people doing favors for me just because they pity me. and if im not wanted hinding hindi ko isisiksik ang sarili ko. hindi ko ipagpipilitan ang sarili ko na magustuhan ng mga ayaw sakin dahil i know that im made better than that. and lastly gusto ko ng sinusuyo ako at dapat hindi ako tinitigilan na suyuin. i dont want to pity myself dahil i know that it will just make things even worse. i just want continue believing that im doing great, im doing good, and im actually gonan pull this off for as long as it takes.

Relationships...
back then i was dreaming for the perfect guy. i had too many made up scenarios in my head kaya tuloy i have this notion na there is a such a thing as "perfect". wala akong perfect guy image pero i had qualities that i wanted in my first ever boyfriend. i was inlove with the thought of falling in love. i always hated valentines day. kasi on the day, lalo akong naiinggit sa mga klassmates ko na binigyan ng roses at chocolates. i always ask the question when will it be me? i cant wait to fall in love. i had it all planned out. i was going to be the perfect girlfriend anyone has ever had. i was going to be the sweetest person ever. well apparently hindi pala ganun kadali. i love erick. pero sometimes i ask myself, siya ba talaga yung gusto kong makasama for the rest of my life. ive always thought of myself as a sophisticated well educated woman and i know that i deserve way more than what he can offer me. minsan napapaisip ako, sa sex lang ba kami nagkakasundo? kasi after sex, its like wala na balik na sa dati. he is already 25 and still wala akong nakikitang patutunguhan ng buhay nia. pero the thing is i really do love him. parang just the thought of us breaking up napapahagulgol na ako. i dont want to let go, pero everyday its being more clear na parang we are growing apart. ni hindi na namin kayang ayusin yung mga problems namin in one day's time. dati hindi kami nakakatulog pag alam namin may problema. well is still do pero siya. haha he could care less. he'll just go to sleep na parang walang nangyari. kayang kaya nia akong kalimutan, burahin at dedmhan in a snap. and im not sure if thats a good thing. nasan na si erick dati? dati laging nanunuyo yun. he was so sweet. pero ngayon all he cares about is sex. as long as narerelease nia then he's good to go. ano ako palahian? normal lang ba yun? na like you dont even call to say sorry kahit hindi mo kasalanan just so magkaayos kayo. feeling ko nagsasawa na siya kasi araw2 na kaming magkasama. as much as i want to ayoko rin ng ganun. i want time with my family as well. hindi ko pa nman siya asawa eh so bakit sa knya lang dapat umikot ang buhay ko. ginive up ko n nga yung oras ko para sa friends ko just to spend more time with him. pari study time minsan binabale wla ko na dahil lang sa gusto ko siyang makita. ayoko naman na pati family time ko eh umikot na rin sa knya. i just dont feel apppreciated enough. i dont want to lose him pero at the same time ayoko namang ituloy kami pero slowly i can feel na he's fading away. mas masakit para sakin yung unti unti pinapamukha sakin na hindi na nia ako mahal.ayokong dumting sa point na sasabhin nia right into my face. baka hindi ko kayanin. ayokong magfall totally out of love na parang routine nalang ang lahat. i want better than that. ayokong magalit sa kanya. ayokong magtamin ng galit dahil kahit papano may pinagsamahan din kami. i just hope ne he will just come out with it already. im praying na he'll be honest enough to tell me kapag ayaw na nia. i hate this feeling. lalo ko lang nararamdaman na amgisa ako. kasi the only person that im counting on and that im holding on to eh parng hindi ako kayang sabayan.

im thinking, what the heck magisa na rin lang ako diba so bat hindi ko nalang gawing totally alone and cut out all contacts with outsiders. from now on its just going to be me and my family. im working alone. im living alone. kaya ko toh. kakayanin ko toh. from now on wala na akong ibang aasahan kundi ako lang. walang friends. walang erick. just me. im ruling them out of my life totally. im on my own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like phoebi, like jessica

Show Recent Messages (F3)

jes: ok..hehehehe
jes: aw phiboink namis tuloy kta
n!Na: demanding eh
n!Na: excited?
jes: sarap kurutin bilbil
n!Na: walng hiya ka bilbil ko p tlga namiss mo
n!Na: ahhaha ako rin
jes: naalala ko ung c michelle ung snb mo nga n nahulog n sya e hawak paren nya
jes: i miss u guys
n!Na: lalo na ngaun na wala akong mtinong friendship dito
jes: except c megan
jes: lol
n!Na: natatawa ka magisa hehe
n!Na: kya rin cguro wala ako maxadong kaibigan dito
n!Na: kase naghahanap ako ng tulad nung atin dati
n!Na: pero sobrang wala akong makita
n!Na: iba pa rin tlga pag ung orig haha
jes: hahaha
jes: i know
jes: ako ren nmn dito
jes: wla ako kaibgn
jes: like makita ko cla once a year
jes: pero i dont care
jes: kc ngaun alm ko n n d ako mkkform ng gnun dito
jes: sa ontario pwd pa
jes: pero nmn..narealize ko n ung ibng kaibgn ko sa pinas d ren nmn totoo
n!Na: ganun ata tlga
n!Na: basta feeling ko sobrang alone ako ngaun
n!Na: kasi pati c erick minsan cold sakin
n!Na: hehe but then cge pa rin
jes: hahaha
jes: martyr..i guess it takes something for people in love to move on
jes: ako ren nmn noon mas martyr pa
jes: ei
jes: ssbhn ko pla sau
n!Na: cguro nga
jes: tnwgn ko c kiko
n!Na: kelan?
jes: uhm
jes: like...every satrday for a month
n!Na: bkt?
n!Na: last month?
jes: alm mo nung nmty c ducusin?
n!Na: cno un?
jes: c crispulo ducusin
jes: boys high
jes: kaibgn ni kiko..ksaksama nina blein noon
n!Na: oh tapos
jes: so aun
jes: like nung una..tntry ko sya alalahanin..kaso ang lge pmpsok sa utak ko c kiko
jes: so i was like.."wat da hell.fine il col him..."
jes: so i did ryt
jes: tpos sbe ko lng n gs2 ko gwng ok ung between saamen
n!Na: tpos
jes: tpos narealize ko n cgro lge ko sya naiisp kc pano kng isa samin ang ..mawawala na ren
jes: ayaw ko nmn n mgregret ang isa samen for not fixinf it
n!Na: oh tapos
jes: so aun sbe ko sknya n ok na...na past is past
jes: tpos knkmsta ko..acting like a frend..sbe ko n d2 rin lng ako for him...
jes: tpos ang sbe nya..msya sya dahil meron n c ic..ung ababy nya..pero cla ni karissa..ok lng..but not totaly happy dhl lge daw ngglit sknya kht wlng dahilan
n!Na: haha ano un buntis nanaman?
n!Na: hehe
jes: so sbe ko lng...gnyn tlga mga babae
jes: lol
jes: anyweiz
jes: aun nga.....tpos sbe nya "i dont think shes the one for me....kng may isa na makakatnggp n may anak ako at babalik sya dito..sya parin pipiliin ko
jes: hnd nmn ako manhid not to think n ako un ryt
n!Na: haha tapos ano sabi mo?
jes: pero sbe ko sknya its more complicaed than that....marame n maasasaktan AT N mahal ko tlga c deric and he loves me and does not hurt me as much as he did before...
jes: at n d ko mttnggp na may anak sya and i really dont wana mess up the kids family...
n!Na: tapos ano sabi nia
jes: ayoko nmn n lumaki ung bata asking bkt hnd mgksma parents nya ryt
jes: like tahimik lng sya........
jes: ngsosory.....
jes: sbe oko rin sorry dhl umalis ako
n!Na: haha ganda akla ko ba tapos na yan?
jes: sbe nya ....wla daw ako kslanan....
jes: so aun..like kwentokwento
n!Na: ano wento nia?
jes: skul and stuff
n!Na: ano course nun?
jes: tpos nung last n tmwg ako sbe nya
jes: nung tumawag ka......narealize ko n mahal parin pla kita......lge kta namimiss...lge kta hnhnp.........kaw paren mas mahal ko
jes: nursing..second yr...
jes: sbe ko sknya..mis ko ren ikaw..and i love u ren pero as a frend nlng..and im sorry pero hnd n hihigit dun...
n!Na: tapos
jes: tpos sbe nya d nmn daw sya umaasa..gs2 nya lng ipaalam skn...
n!Na: ano sabi mo
BUZZ!!!
jes: sbe ko hnd n sya pwd umaasa....
jes: and that maybe calling him was wrong....dhl i dont want to lead him on
jes: pero tmtwg ako..pra gawin kmeng ok as frends
jes: pra magbuild ng relationship just as frends
n!Na: well
n!Na: kung ind pa xa nkakamove on
n!Na: cguro ind pa right time para establish ulit ung friendship nio dba?
jes: tpos he asked me...........kng uuwi p daw b ako...sbe ko oo pra mgbakasyon...........................tpos sbe nya...kng uuwe k b gs2 mo mkta c ic...sbe ko never...........
jes: pero hnd nmn cgro...i mean.....maybe naalala nya lng ung noon pero ang totoo nkmove on n nsya....nssbe nya lng..
n!Na: yea
n!Na: well just make sure
n!Na: kasi bka malay mo ind pa rin pla
n!Na: tapos aasa ulti xa sayo gugulo lang lalo relationship nio
jes: hay...sana wag na..i dont know..i jst wana be his frend...like gs2 ko nguusap n ulit kme...
jes: pero as frends..frendly conversation
jes: cgro ok lng magreminice pero na alm nmn n past na
n!Na: bka its too early
jes: wen is the ryt tym then.....................................
jes: maybe lge gnito
jes: n bsta iaaproach ko sya babalik
jes: do u think he stil loves me?
jes: or he ever did love me..for real
n!Na: uu naman he did
n!Na: thats for sure
n!Na: nagstart lang nmn xa magloko after you left eh
n!Na: bka ind lng nagwork ung long distance
jes: yeah......i guess.......
jes: do u think he stil loves me?
n!Na: ewan maybe
n!Na: pero well ive learned na pag lalong pinpilit mo na maging friends kao tapos ind pa xa ready
n!Na: bka lalo lng xa mawala lalo
jes: cno nmn ang pnlit mo
n!Na: tristan
n!Na: kase ind pa xa over sakin noon
jes: hayyyy
n!Na: pero sobrang eager ako na isave ung "friendship"
n!Na: so nagend up na lalo xang lumayo sakin
jes: e iba nmn cgro un dhl andyan ka..u always see him...
n!Na: haha well hindi na ngayon
n!Na: last time i saw him face to face was july ata
jes: i dunno................................
jes: hnd nmn cgro sya mawawala.........
jes: coz we had so much before.........
jes: i dont think we both can just throw that away and forget it..even if we tried..
n!Na: well xempre kalokohang makalimutan nia lahat yun
n!Na: but then un nga gaya nga ng sabi mo ayaw mo macra ung family nia
n!Na: and by calling him bka isipin nia na may pagasa pa ulit kayo
n!Na: pede ka naman maging friend kahit at a distance eh khit ind kau naguusap at nagkwekwentuhan
n!Na: bka kasi magiskandalo nnmn ung aswa nia pag nalaman nia na tinatwagan mo xa
jes: hayyyy
jes: cgro
n!Na: bkt ba haha
jes: pero may aaminin ako sau
n!Na: bat ka ba bothered?
n!Na:
jes: nssktn akong nkkta pix nla..........ewn ko kng bkt
jes: like accept ko na
n!Na: mahal mo p ba?
jes: na cla na...na may anak n cla and that d n pwd
jes: pero nssktn lng ako
n!Na: haha pareho lang naman tayo eh
n!Na: nasasaktan din ako na mkita c tristan with her gf
n!Na: pero aminado ako na ind dahil sa mahal ko xa
n!Na: kundi pride lang ung akin
n!Na: ikaw ba?
jes: yeah but u liked him and maybe u stil do!
n!Na: no pride lang yun
n!Na: naiinis lang ako na wala na sa akin ung attention nia likfe before
jes: ewn......cgro dhl sa past...sa memories..because of the wy we had to go on different paths....i did not exaclty oblige..i was forced to..i mean....wat can i do?e may anak n ung tao.
jes: so kht gs2 pa namin..kht gs2 ko pa noon..........hnd nmn pwdng sarili ko lng isipn ko......
n!Na: cguro nga
n!Na: cguro ur wondering pano kya kapag nagtuloy kayo
n!Na: naiinis ka cguro na isiping kahit kelan ind mo na masasagot un
n!Na: dahil nga may pamilya na ung tao
jes: cgro............maybe..kng d sya ngkaanak.snsktn pren nya ako.........or cgro nakauwi nako dun for vacation
jes: maybe..ang sakit nun phibs.........to wonder..wat if.......but know u can never answer dat.........
jes: even if at the back of ur heart u want to
n!Na: i know haha same thing sakin
n!Na: im never gonna know kung pano pag naging kami
n!Na: ang masakit sakin alam ko na nagwork out sana kani ni tristan
n!Na: kaso sobrang worng timing
jes: hayyy
jes: asar noh
n!Na: kaya nga eh
n!Na: bat kase ganun
n!Na: mkakainis pla magkaroon ng ifs and but and if onlys
jes: and the thing is.......nssktn ko c deric..pero sa loob loob ko snsb ng puso ko n i have to do this
n!Na: cguro ur looking for answers
n!Na: and closure na ren cguro
n!Na: i know i am
jes: cgro.....................
jes: is it wrong to sil think about the past wen u already have ur future laid out
n!Na: haha tell me about it jess
n!Na: pero prang there's no use in thinking about it
n!Na: cguro may mga ganun na never mo na malalaman ung sagot
n!Na: just be happy nlng for him
n!Na: at least msaya na xa sa anak nia
jes: alm mo pa...........na nklimutn ko n nu,ber nya..i looked for it sa mgga letters nya..halos maiyak akong mbsa mga..i love you..."ikaw lng"aantyn kta....
jes: alm mo ung quote na
jes: "u said ur not gonna leave me....u told her that too....ang masakit..sakanya totooo
n!Na: haha i know
n!Na: pero bat mo pahihirapan sarili mo
n!Na: masaya ka n kay deric dba?
jes: oo....................................
jes: i dont know
n!Na: sure?
jes: i guess,....naghahanap lng ako ng bago.....
jes: iba kc relationship namen e
jes: its more like bestfrends.......we can do anything together..we can go to the lbrayr..grocery shopping..just stay at home
jes: we barely kiss and hug
jes: we hold hands yeah....but u know.....
n!Na: unlike kay kiko
n!Na: may sweet xa ganun
jes: kme ni kiko noon.........every chance we get..we wana hug eahc other......
jes: its not that he doesnt wana do it
jes: but its more like.....legal kme masyado...that i doesn feel ryt na...na gwn ung mga un
jes: we r always here sa bahay
jes: were boh broke
jes: were both bc wth skul..........
jes: like noon kme ni kiko evryday nya ako ssnduin
jes: c deric..2 tyms ko lng mkta
n!Na: lalo lang kase mahirap pag icocompare mo cla eh
n!Na: they both have their own personality
n!Na: and pinili mo na c deric
n!Na: so panindigan mo nlng
n!Na: gnyan din ako eh
n!Na: but then lalo lng ako nadedepress pag iniisip ko kung ano ung nawala sakin
n!Na: so y not focus sa kung ano ung meron ako ngaun
jes: i gues so
jes: i know im not being fair
jes: ang hirap lng......kng isipin mong i did not want to let go in the first place
n!Na: but you had to
jes: t ung kay kiko noon..i wanted him.sa una plng...c deric....i guess ung idea of having someone ang mas nangatract skn
n!Na: but then kung tatanungin mo ako
n!Na: mas ok c deric
n!Na: siya yung tipo ng lalaki na pedeng pede mong ipakilala sa magulang
n!Na: at alam mong may ambisyon
n!Na: mhal mo nmn na xa dba?
n!Na: hindi nmn cguro kayo magtatagal ng gnito kung ind
jes: i know
jes: mhal ko sya
jes: sobra
jes: i just cant help remembering kiko
jes: esp wen im having a bad tym with deric
n!Na: normal lang yun
n!Na: gnun din ako eh
n!Na: but then in the end
n!Na: cno pa rin ba ang mas mahal mo?
n!Na: dba
jes: c deric
jes: pero kng knyre
jes: andito c kiko
jes: wat wud i feel?
n!Na: but then wala nga c kiko dba
n!Na: and kahit kelan ind na xa nkakarating dito
n!Na: dahil may pamilya na xa
n!Na: so mas mali nmn cgurong umasa sa knya when clearly alam mong impossible un
jes: alm ko
n!Na: masaya nmn cguro xa sa anak nia
n!Na: ok na yun
n!Na: and ikaw u deserve to be happy din
jes: hayyy
n!Na: wag ka na sad
jes: hehe
n!Na: wag na tayong sad
n!Na: nakakasawa kasing gumising ng umaga na bitter
n!Na: tapos pag matutulog bitter pa rin
n!Na: ang lungkot
n!Na: at least we have deric at erick (matching)
jes: ahahahahaha
n!Na: screw tristan and kiko
n!Na: at least nga ikaw mhal ka pa rin ni kiko
jes: malay mo
jes: panakip butas nitristan brkda mo
n!Na: ind i know him
n!Na: parang gusto ko maging masaya dahil finally nagka gf na xa
n!Na: pero at the same time naiinis ako kasi nangako xa sakin
You have sent 1 file to jes.
Hurt Me Again.mp3

n!Na: sabi nia hindi daw kami bibitaw sa possibilty na magiging kame in the end na cguro worng timing lang talga
n!Na: wala pang sabi sabi
n!Na: bigla nlng may gf na xa at barkada ko pa tlga
n!Na: basta ang dami jessica
n!Na: gusto ko xang sampalin
n!Na: at sigawan
n!Na: bat kasi ganun?
n!Na: .................. sana ind ko nlng xa nakilala
jes: hayyy
jes: malay mo
jes: its his way of getting back at u
jes: maybe he want u to realize u want him after all
jes: maybe umaasa sya n by hurtnig u mas lalapit k sknya
n!Na: xa na kasi mismo umiiwas sakin eh
n!Na: prang totally binura nia ako sa mundo nia
n!Na: na khit magkasalubong kami
n!Na: ind nia ako nakikita
n!Na: prang hangin lang ako
jes: hay
jes: then hes not worth it
jes: hnd lng sya ung pra sau
jes: gnun cgro style ni god
jes: saktan muna tau ng sobra
jes: pra maapreciate ntn ung pra stn
n!Na: cguro nmn nkakahanap pa ako ng kasing perfect nia noh?
n!Na: cguro nmn deserving ako ng tulad nia
n!Na: bitter tuloy ako sa lht ng tao
n!Na: kasi sobrang tanggap na tanggap cla sa barkada namin
n!Na: tapos kami noon literally tristan and me against the world
jes: hayyyyyyyyyy
jes: alm mo
n!Na: tapos napkaweak p ngay nia
jes: hnd lng tlga sya
jes: seriously
n!Na: nadadala xa sa mga cnasabi ng mga tao prang ind nia ako kyang ipaglaban
n!Na: cguro nga
n!Na: how abt erick wat u think?
jes: ewn
jes: wat do u think
n!Na: ewan din
n!Na: basta ind ko tinatali sarili ko sa knya
n!Na: open ako sa idea na hindi xa ung para sakin
jes: yeah
jes: dats gud
n!Na: haha
jes: bkt b kc d mo nlng sya iniwan for tristan
jes: if u tink tristan is a perfect man
n!Na: mahal ko xa
n!Na: prang in my mind si tristan
n!Na: pero in my heart si erick
n!Na: kinda like sau
n!Na: alam mo na si kiko eh mahal mo
n!Na: c deric dhil lng sa gusto mo ng someone
jes: hnd nmn gnun skn
jes: mahal ko clang dlwa
jes: im satsfied with deirc
jes: but i jst cant forget kiko
n!Na: oh ok hehe
n!Na: so ayun nga jess
n!Na: haha ayoko na isipin
n!Na: kung ayaw na nia sakin
n!Na: wel then wag
jes: hehehe
jes: good
jes: maturog kan
n!Na: haha cka met
n!Na: ano ba gnagwa mo?
jes: wla lng
jes: nghahanp ng sumo wrestlers
jes: dba gbe n dyan
jes: i mean late na
n!Na: yea
n!Na: may teaching nga ako bukas eh haha
n!Na: ind ko alam ung teaching plan ko

change

people change. They don't always do what they say they would. Most of all people make promises that they can't keep.

i hope no one finds my web blog. Lalo na si tristan or si sybil. i'm kinda happy na sila na but at the same time i feel betrayed. Mahirap palang umasa sa tao kasi mas madaling mabigo at masaktan. Sana tama ako na umiwas nalang para wala nang gulo. It's hard haha. Siguro dahil I'm still hoping na Tristan is still inlove with me. I was hoping na he would still be available and waiting for me. I know its selfish, there's no other way to describe it. Naging sobrang kampante lang ako na hindi ako iiwan ni Tristan despite the fact na totally hindi kami nag-uusap at nagpapansinan. Kaya nagulat ako nung sinabi ni beb na sila na nga ni Sybil. Akala ko nagbibiro siya. Out of all people, i never thought na magiging sila ni sybs. Sila kasi ung laging nag-aasaran at nagbabarahan dati. Pero mas ok na na si Sybil nalang yung nakatuluyan nia kase they balance each other. Kapareho ko rin naman kase yung si sybil, praning din and syempre Tristan is Tristan, emoh boy. haha. And its good na angela did not make such a big fuss about it. Unlike nung kami. haha. It's kinda hard not to compare kami noon at sila ngayon. Kami nun literally you and me against the world and against angela.haha. Pero sila ngayon tanggap na tanggap ng tao. The only thing that i still regret is that we could have been a perfect couple. I could have given him everything that he wanted. Pero talagang wrong timing dahil inlove pa rin ako kay erick. I love my boyfriend pero ewan ko ba I still think of tristan often. He is still the perfect boyfriend. Mabait, matalino, caring, maabilidad. Sayang! if only nabigyan kame ng chance, we could have been a great couple. haha. Ang malas ko naman sa lalaki. Lagi nalang ganito. Natatapos bago pa mag-start. Yung kay Barry, Lee and Ken, same kwento. I always end up with the not so great guy. Laging may mali. And syempre laging ako lang ang nagtitiis. HAHA. I hate you Tristan. Akala ko ba sabi mo tayo pa rin in the end? sabi mo hindi mo totally isasara yung pinto para satin. Na malay natin someday, pede nang maging tayo. haha. stupid me!nag-hold on ako sa mga sinabi mo na yun kaya naging kampante ako na mahal mo pa rin ako no matter what. haha. silly me. I'm not mad at you or jay sybil. I just hate you right now pero i know it'll pass. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko baket hanggang ngaun apektado pa rin ako sayo. Sa mga nangyayari sayo. Sobrang interesado pa ren ako na malaman kung kamusta ka na. Kung ano na nangyayari sayo ngayon. kaya nga madalas kong binabasa profile mo at sinisilip ung blog mo dahil angbabakasakali akong may bago kang entry about how your day went. And until now umaasa pa rin ako na you will show up in my face and tell me that you still love me. Sabi ni beb there was this instance na parang sinabi mong hindi ka pa rin over sakin. How i wish it was true! no matter how selfish i sound, that's what I want. I want to end up with someone like you. I hope may mahanap pa akong katulad mo. Sana I deserve someone like you. I hope things work out between you and sybs. Im guessing mas mabuti na sigurong hindi na kita makita. Hindi ko balak magiskandalo dahil alam kong matagal mong hinintay na magkaroon ng someone na magmamahal sayo. You said so yourself. I wish it could have been me pero i guess si sybil yun. Sorry, I just needed to write it down dahil its bothering me so much. I miss you baby.