Remnants
About Me


Name::phoebi
From::winnipeg, manitoba, Canada
I am who I am No matter what you may think of me, Because I am me, As you can see OUTWARDLY. But inwardly what do you see? Do you see me differently? Can you compare this inner me With the outer me? Who am I? I ask myself. Myself being many books upon a shelf. In a quest for character I search myself. I do not doubt that I am someone . . . A different someone, Most different someone, Because I am me, Most definitely, INWARDLY. Because ALL of me, Inwardly and outwardly, Makes up me.
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30.5.07

quotes

I've been lying in this bed for close to a year, and I've had a lot of time to look back on my life. And the things that I remember best – those are the things I wasn't supposed to do and I did them anyway. The thing is: life is too damn short to be following these rules.



At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.




Sometimes doing something is worse than doing nothing.




I know it's not perfect, but it's life. Life is messy sometimes.




You know, I know a liar when I see one because I am a liar.





You don't know this yet, but life isn’t supposed to be like this. It’s not supposed to be this hard.




The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not.




I can't think of a single reason why I should be a surgeon, but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose... there are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit but here's the thing, I love the playing field.




You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.




At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.




Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.




Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.




I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself. I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.




Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.





MySpace



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28.5.07

according to...

What guys should do!



Things the perfect guy would do



1. Know how to make you smile when you are down


2. Try to secretly smell your hair or perfume


3. Stick up for you, but still respect your independence


4. Be wrapped up in everything else, but still have time for you


5. Fit his arms firmly around you and make you feel secure


6. Hint that he wants to kiss you


7. Hold your hand and make you feel loved


8. Tell you you are beautiful, even on a bad hair day


9. Never run out of new things to do and places to go


10. Never run out of good jokes


11. Be funny, but know when to be serious


12. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious


13. Be patient when you take forever to get ready


14. Try to hide that one stuffed animal when you comeover


15. Act like Mr. Big


16. Apologize for acting like Mr. Big


17. Ask you for a pen in class when you know he has one


18. Blast the music when he picks up the phone


19. Turn it off when he notices that you are on the phone


20. Look at you during class and make you get butterflies in your stomach


21. Shower you with meaningful gifts


22. Bring you flowers even if he picks them on his way to your house.


23. Hug you on a bad day and make clouds seem to lift!







Love you unconditionaly!

Hold your hand during trying times!

Don't talk about you behind your back!

Encourage you to keep trying to reach your goals!

Tell you what you need to hear not necessarily what you want to hear!

Laugh with you, not at you!

Understand your pain!

Give you a part of themselves!

Ask for nothing in return!

Help you see the light!

Don't walk out when trouble walks in!

Stick it out till the end!


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all good things..

All Good Things lyrics by Nelly Furtado.

Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming



[Chorus]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?



Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why



Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
[ All Good Things lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?



Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die



Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?



Well the dogs were barking at a new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation
the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.



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3.5.07

you'll be ok

you'll be okei, you'll be more than ok..
well i talked to hanna today and medyo napaisip ako sa sinabi nia saken. i was asking her to help me forget about you and then she asked me ano ba talaga. its not about kung sino ung pinili mo or kung kanino ka dapat magstay..its about kung kanina ka masaya..sabi nia na it was a choice. kasi whatever happens may isa na masasaktan at may isa na magiging ok. sabi nia i choose erick pra maging okei. and pinili kitang saktan. tama kaya xa?
i didnt intend to. i didnt mean it to be like that. akala ko na i was making you both okei. kasi si erick will be fine dahil nag stay ako tpos ikaw nman you can move on with your life. ill just keep everything to myself. at least maayos kayong dalawa diba. and ayoko na guluhin pa. tama na yung ganito na nangyari. ill stick with him. im feeling guilty too kasi he's doing everything right na. he's treating me the best he could tpos ako andito iniisip kita. im being unfair again. im glad you're starting to move on. i just hope i can say the same for myself. i didnt realize how caught up i was with you until now. pero gaya nga ng sabi ni hanna. i should let go din. ituon ko daw ung buong oras ko kay erick. yea ill try. pero i just want to let you know i didnt mean to hurt you.i didnt choose to stay with erick para masaktan ka. and im not asking you to leave me dahil ayoko sayo. alam kong alam mo yan. i cant stay like this every night. i have to move on whatever it takes. its good na ind na rin tayo nagkikita pa. that will be easier for you and me. ayoko na ng magulo. ill just keep it to myself.

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1.5.07

am i evil?yes i am..

ayos ka lang bata? haha.
after everything i can't help thinking na naging makasarili ako. i only thought about myself ni ind ko naisip kung anong mararamdaman nila. stupid of me ei? sa totoo lang wala naman sa kanila ung problema e. nasa akin. kasi i dont know what i want. mahal ko si erick pero deep inside i cant help thinking na there's something missing. i know i've fallen for tristan kahit sa short time lang na yun and i really really want to give it a chance. pero ind ako mapakawalan ni erick.
i dont wanna think anymore. andito na eh. ganito na yung nangyari. looks like im sticking with erick for a while. ayoko nang guluhin pa. i know tristan is moving on. that's good. as much as i dont want him to go i need to.kasi masasaktan lang xa. ill let go for him. and ill stick around for erick. ill stop thinking about myself and just think about them. tama na sana toh. erick will be happy na im sticking around. and ind na masasaktan si tristan dahil he can move on. he can start over. i just hope mawala this nagging feeling inside.give it time it will. i hope na ung pagiwas ko makatulong. pasensya na ah. magagalit nalang muna ako sayo and id rather na magalit ka na rin sakin para mas madali. para mawala agad ung love. ill keep my promise. im not closing it totally. there is still that hope na someday pede na maging tayo. kung ind man. i hope u be happy. thank you for everything. salamat sa pakikinig at sa pagsalo. pero aus na ako u can stop now. and think about yourself naman. i hope things work out for you. i hope u find someone na pede maging kayo dba? u deserve to be happy. ill never forget lahat ng ginawa mo for me. lahat ng sacrifices mo for me. salamat for still caring. thank you for still being a friend. pero ill make it easier for you. binabalik ko na lahat ng love na binigay mo. iiwas na muna ako sayo. sana u understand. u know its best. the best talaga. sobrang ang wrong timing. nakakainis. ind ko alam kung nananadya ba tlaga. shit gusto ko lang muna magisa. i miss the single life. this sucks!...


MySpace

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