how to save a life..

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
Lyrics
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

darkest days..

i can clearly say now that i am walking through the darkest days of my life. this is the toughest decision that i had to do. i hope im its worth it. i know its wrong but i figured this is the easiest way out. i have worked so hard and its not worth it to risk everything. plus there are so many people looking up to me and they are all counting on me. i can't let them down. no.not again. because if i go through with this, i will be left with nothing. im not yet ready for this kind of thing. and i know you're not either becaue i can see it in the way you act even if you say the opposite.i dont want to start something that will make me totally commit myself to you. im so sorry but i dont want to end up with someone like you. i can stay with you for a while only, say 1 year or so, but not for a lifetime. i just cant see myself growing old with you because i know i can never be truly happy.i have so many things that i want to pursue and i need someone who has the same point of view as me. someone who wants to do something good with their life. someone who can act mature enough for the both of us and someone who can commit himself to me. maybe we're just not from the same page here. your goals are clearly different from mine. im too young to think about settling down or anything of that kind im sorry. i hope that i can master enough courage to go through with this. i know its not yet here but i just want to be prepared just in case things take a turn for the worst. my bigger concern is how to cope up after this. after everything, can i still pick up myself and start all over? you've messed up my life well enough already. stop. its time for me to fix everything now. i cannot go on like this. i need to fix my life and the first thing i need to do is to get rid of the one who is messing it up. and sad to say it is you. i though i was inlove and so i gave you everything. i didn't mean for things to go this far. this is a serious problem now and i know i can't fix it alone. and once again it became clear to me that you don't give a damn. i can drop dead right in front of your eyes and i know that you wont even wince. i realized i cant live like this. i can't live in your shadow anymore just doing what you want me to do and taking what you can give me. i wasn't raised to be like this. nor will i allow myself to be like this any longer. after this, after evrything that i am about to do i will leave you. i hope you understand. i need to think of myself too and i know this is the best for me. i don't know how to cope up with things after this but i know i need to give you up so that i can start over.. right now o just want to pray fpr courage to do this. to you, the one that i dont see but maybe a part of me, im sorry but i have too..this is not the time...im sorry

stress..

stress.. hay naku super stressing tong week na toh. yung klase ng stress na ind ka makatulog sa gabi dahil sa patong yung mga iniisip nio at hindi mo alam kung alin ang uunahin mo.. in layman's term ANING MOMENTS..
shit its that time of the month nanaman kaya tuliro nanaman ako kakahintay, hoping and praying na wag sanang magtuloy.. i can't sleep and im so paranoid.. parang everything binibigyan ko ng meaning. i can't think straight.. this is serious pag nagkataon and ind ko alam kung pano lulusutan ito. .i'd rather die than go through with this.. and if ever magtuloy man ind na malabong baka magpakamatay nalang ako. im so stupid. i never thought that i would go this far. i thought i was a smart girl but it turns out smart girls and stupid when it comes to love. they just don't know how to look for the perfect partner and when to stop loving the wrong guy. i just dont know when to stop. HOW CAN I BE SO STUPID?it had to come to this point before i realized how far i was going. i never should have taken the risk. i never should have given everything. i feel so sorry for myself but most of all i feel so sorry for my family. i dont know if i can still bare this.. at this point i dont even know what to do anymore... i'd rather see myself dead than to go through with this... arg!!!! stupid bitch!!! maybe i deserve this for all the lies i've said and done..i hope not....pls not this way.. i hope it comes out soon...