letting go

quotes

If you love someone, never hesitate to
show what you feel,just follow your
heart. Never waste your time, never fear
nor doubt, never quit nor stop. But
never expect in return. don't be afraid
to become stupid. Just love, be real.
You might get hurt, but you must not
give up. Just live your life, love the
way you want. Never get tired. Stay
alive to love. And stay in love to live,
till you learn to let go, till you learn
to set free. And to always STAY HAPPY!

re: Nursing

ok ngayon magsusulat naman ako tungkol sa nursing and my life as a struggling student nurse. lahat naman ata ng kilala kong nagta-take ng nursing ang rason eh dahil sinabi ng parents or good income. aaminin ko yun din ang mga rason ko. sa totoo lang i dont even know why i took up nursing. dati nung nasa pinas pa ako, i had that passion to care for people. i wanted to make a change in people's lives. back then it all seemed so clear and easy. may plano kasi akong sinusundan. and i think the biggest thing is nakaka-relate ako sa mga patients ko. yes madalas din akong mapamura and maasar sa mga tambak tambak na assignments, pero at the end of the day it was all worth it kasi alam kong i learned something na magagamit ko. it all seemed so exciting. pero now im lost. parang wala n akong motivation para mag-continue. im just doing para lang may masabi na may "ginagawa" ako sa buhay ko and that im "headed" somewhere. i've never felt so slack in my life. i wanna be a somebody. ayokong napag-iiwanan adn lalong ayokong magpatalo. iniwan n ako ng mga batchmates ko and wala na akong magagawa dun. the only thing na kaya kong baguhin is kung nasan man ako ngayon. last week i failed my skills RD and i received a learning contract sa clinical rotation ko. it was such a wake up call. natakot ako na baka dahil sa kaka-slack ko and sa kakamukmok ko about the past, lalo lang masira yung future ko. natakot ako para sa sarili ko. its the same feeling i had nung nalaman kong buntis ako. and it sucks. masyado akong naging pabaya sa studies ko ang i settle for average and adequate. as long as i get a C im happy. pero this time naging evident sakin na napagiiwanan nanaman ako. all my classmates are functioning at a second year level or more and ako? they found me unsatisfactory. i've never failed anything in my life and i've never performed "unsatisfactory" before they don't know what they're messing with. ok na rin yun kasi napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na if i try i can do it. na i am capable to be a nurse. next week is my RD redo and the following week is my clinical evalutaion. im doing all that i can para pumasa so lets just hope for the best

last goodbye..

buhay nga naman nakakatuwa talaga noh? i still can't believe wala na si ken. ang hirap paniwalaan na i'll never get to see him ever again. funny, he waited for me for almost 7 years tapos when we finally saw each other again hindi naman nagtagal 3 days lang kasi paalis na ko. and yea naging kami nga pero LDR naman ang we lasted like what? i dont even know im guessing just short of a year. naputol na kasi ung communication. masama pa ata loob nia sakin. and i'll never get the chance to tell him im sorry and to explain what happened. i wanna meet him one more time. lagi ko xang naiisip. minsan natutulala nalang ako ang all i can think about was him and what could have been, life really is unfair and very unpredictable. who would have thought na mawawala xa so soon?i never would have guessed. if i had known, i never would have allowed it. nakakainis ka ken bakit bigla bigla ka nalang nangiiwan. diba usapan natin pupuntahan mo ko dito. tulad ng dati. tulad nung hinanap mo ko that summer and even 7 years after, you still found me. ngayon naman na you know where i am saka ka naman nawala. dagat lang pagitan natin, ngayon langit at lupa na tayo. lagi nalang tayo nagkakalayo. ang this time its for real. sana lang hindi ka umalis ng broken hearted ka. i dont know what happened between you and kristina. and i dont have the right na magalit or mag-question, but i know i have the right na masaktan din kasi may pinagsamahan naman tayo. ang daya mo talaga. sabi mo sakin kapit lang ako kasi ikaw ang nasa driver seat. sabi mo nasa rough patch lang tayo kaya magulo pa pero sabi mo u'll get us home. in the end tayo pa rin. sabi mo nga pag hindi ikaw ang nakatuluyan ko magiging abnormal mga anak ko diba? haha. ur funny talaga. ngayon wala na iniwan mo na ko. ako na ngayon ang nasa driver's seat. and im driving alone. sana man lang nakita kita one last time, nayakap kita. sana man lang naramdaman mo na minahal din kita. kung alam mo lang how miserable i was nung naghiwalay tayo. gusto ko na ngang tumalon sa eroplano noon eh. ayokong umalis alam mo yan hindi tayo nkatulog pareho. buong flight ako umiiyak. and even after i got here. isang taon akong umiiyak always wishing na sana kasama kita. you're one of the real people i will ever meet in this lifetime. and im grateful na dumaan ka sa buhay ko. ang masasabi ko lang first love never dies. you will always have a special place in my heart. you will always be my "pa". haha nakakatuwa lang naaalala ko mga memories natin noon. remember the night we talked buong magdamag?. one of the nicests conversation i ever had. sana naging tayo ng matagal ken sana i didn't have to go.i was always the one running away. ako lagi ung umaalis and you would always go looking for me. yun ang gustong gusto ko sayo. you never gave up. that summer hinanap mo ko and still even after i drove you away you came back after 7 years. and sobrang na-touch ako nung nalaman ko na hindi ka nagka-gf. you really waited for me. i loved you for that. and this time its my turn para humabol and hanapin ka. masakit to know na hindi kita makikita for a long time. we'll meet again in another lifetime. sana ken hindi mo dinaan sa ganito. kung nag-away man kayo ni kristina. sana hindi naman ung ganito. alam ko masakit pero sana kinaya mo. kasi kinaya ko naman na nagkalayo tayo eh. uu until now i didn't get over it. pero im still here. kinakaya ko ken kasi alam kong marami pang nagmamahal sakin and ikaw alam kong anjan ka lang waiting for me. kasi iniwan mo ko. sana hindi ka nag-give up ken. .. sana hindi... i hope you look after me. even in death, you never fail to inspire the people around you. alam ko marami kang natulungan and everyone looks up to you as their kuya. and you are still touching lives. you touched me. you're my inspiration. and you're my special angel. alam ko wherever i am anjan ka lang sa tabi ko guiding me through life. people will come and so sa buhay ko pero you will always be there. sana pa kahit na hindi na tayo once in a while silipin mo rin how im doing. give me a heads up on life haha alam mo naman ako tanga sa buhay, masyadong mabait at madaling magmahal kaya sobrang dali ring masaktan. pa magbebehave ka jan ah. im sorry hindi ako nakapunta sa lamay mo pero alam ko namang you can see me dito and alam mo kung gaano rin ako nagluluksa. i'd rather remember you na buhay ka and masaya. hindi ko ata kayang makita kang nakaratay. ill come visit you pag-uwi ko dont worry. promise ko yun sayo at sa sarili ko. and kahit wala ka na tutuparin ko pa rin yun. sabi mo nga "we dont make those promises that we can't keep". i already broke one promise. hindi na mauulit yun. wag ka magulo jan ah. too bad walang alak jan haha okei yan sabi ko naman sayo i don't want you smoking and drinking diba? ...once in a while tignan tignan mo rin ako ah. salamat pa. till then.. ill see you...