lost

after almost 4 months since my last post, i decided to visit my blog again. usually binibisita ko lang tong blog ko kapag may "dinaramdam" ako. i guess the last four months went by very well that i really didn't have any major issues that i felt i should write about. well, life is still treating me well (i hope). what more can i ask? everything seems to be in the right place. kung makikita lang ng ibang tao ung buhay ko, they would see how lucky i am. i have an almost good life. i have a family that loves me, supports me and stays with me through thick and thin. my mom and nanay still treats me like a baby sometimes. i hardly have any chores. mas maluwag na sila sa curfews ko and i feel that they trust me more now. maybe because they realized im not a child anymore (although sometimes i still act like one). i have a very promising future ahead of me. nursing is not easy mind you especially for me. but still i should consider myself lucky that i came this far. isang taon nalang ang hopefully graduate na ako. im very very blessed to have a boyfriend that loves me so much. perfect boyfriend indeed. every girl's dream guy na sakin na dba? come to think of it, i really don't have anything to complain about. oo my life is far from perfect, pero im still doing pretty good. pero even after all these, may mga times pa rin sa buhay ko na napra-praning ako and i wake up one morning not knowing how i got here. i always ask myself "what am i doing?". i just feel so lost in life. i feel like im not doing anything right. ewan ko kung ako lang ba yun or if the stress of everyday life is catching up to me. how can i be so young and feel so worthless and so fed up with life already. sometimes feeling ko im so sick and tired of living my monotonous life. walang excitement. nothing there to look forward to. everything seems so unsure. very vague. im not tired of the people around me, im very grateful that they are there for me. ang daming kong plans pero parang ang tagal ng hinihintay ko para tuparin yung mga yun. feeling ko all my life, all i did was wait and im not done waiting yet.im tired of waiting. pagod na akong maghintay ng maghintay at magtiis dahil hindi pa ako tapos. hindi ko pa hawak ung diploma ko that will free me to live life on my own. even if makuha ko yung very coveted na diploma na yun, im not sure if nursign is right for me. sometimes i feel like im wasting my time studying all these courses that i am not the least bit interested in. i've lost my motivation to study. i wanted nursing so bad in the beginning, but now im just sticking to it para lang masabing may natapos ako. para nalang sa mga magulang ko para man lang masabi nilang nakapagtapos ako. im not even sure kung matatapos nga ako. every more is a struggle. every subject, every lecture, struggle! i drag myself every single day to school hoping na sana matapos na lahat. i guess im just scared. i've wanted to be done so bad and ngayon na nahihirapan ako, i'm doubting if this is the right path for me.