hometown

i kinda miss baguio T_T. hehe. i cant explain it eh. i get this very serene, peaceful at home feeling whenever i think of baguio. i miss waking up in my bed. i miss the scenery. i miss touring the city with my friends. i miss the fog, the mist, the cold. i miss the tune of the radio blasting in my 3rd floor bedroom whenever i woke up each day.i just miss everything about that place. im not that homesick. unlike before where i start crying all of a sudden out of nowhere.i've already dealt with my being here and i know that i would not be able to go anywhere for another year and a half. but hey that's not a long time to wait considering the wide variety of opportunities awaiting me when i graduate. i guess i just want to reminisce and write it down so that i can look back some day and read all about how i felt today. whenever i think of that place, i get reminded of my old self and how far i've grown up in just 3 yrs time. physically, mentally and emotionally. all my goals and my desires are more mature now. who would have thought that a shy girl like me would end up like this. well, not everything changed. im still that silly, happy go lucky girl that i am. part of it is because ericson reminded me of who i was before and took me out of the miserable, dark and frustrating part of my life. looking back, i did get most of the things i wanted. and there are a lot more i have to work on to achieve. hay! sometimes i feel like life is such a dull and boring phase and at times like this i feel like life just passed me by, a bliss of events. i still feel that i am a bit left behind compared to my friends who are now "employees". i dont want to be left behind anymore. i know im blabbering out of proportion again thats why i know i am not really good at writing.haha. well back to baguio, i miss sitting on our outside porch. especially at night. i really really want to bring ericson there, coz i know that he will appreciate it. i just love that place. i guess everyone does have a fond memory of the place where they grew up. i didnt really grow up there but i had my most treasured memories in that house. especially now that christmas is fast approaching. i've always wanted a simple celebration of the holidays. a must have for me is a big bonfire! being a baguio girl, it has been a tradition in our city to have bonfires during festivals. it goes well with the cold weather, perfect for cozy snuggling with a loved one. i miss telling jokes with my close cousins and making fun of people. haha. i've always imagined me and ericson sitting in a bonfire with my cousins telling jokes, stories, open forum sessions. and it also goes with his family. i want to meet them all. haha. when i look back, i realize how petty my worries were back then. i just smile. sometimes i wish life was still that simple. no big worries about money, love, people, work, and my future. i felt like everything was planned out and nothing was gonna go wrong. that's why i had a hard time when we moved here and then everything changed, from the people i met, to the plans that i have for myself and my family. haha. its nice to look back once in a while, i never want to forget those memories they are a big part of who i am.

doing well update

hey im still here blabbering again. hello hello! im back. stronger, more confident, mas masaya. my past is behind me and im here to talk about the new man in my life. everyone was right, time does heal wounds. pero sakin, i cant deny that love healed me too. ericson healed me. we're 10 mo going steady. after 7 mo of rough patches, it was all worth it. he really is the man i thought him to be. and he is the man that i have prayed for. its one of the rare moments where i make the right decision. my beby, my soul, my tropa, my shopping partner, my kakulitan, my ka-foodtrip, my ka-"owe" (wink), my bestfriend, my stylist, my personal trainer, my driver, my yaya, my failthful listener, my protector, my fashion consultant, my everything... he is my everything. when i look back at all the pain and misery that i went through, i cant help but be truly truly thankful for having this man in my life. i cant thank him enough for what he's done for me and what he's still doing for me. when i was still in high school, lagi akong naiingit sa mga classmates ko may gf-bf kasi they always looked so happy and so sweet. but most of it were puppy love. young love. mediocre love. in my case now, i'd say its the same thing. andun ung kilig factor and ung sweet PDA and corny moments. pero the BIG difference is, i know deep in my heart that this is true. no pretentions. mahal nia ako and mahal ko xa. walang biro. walang stir. walang phases lang. walang trip lang. walang gamitan lang. wala kaming dapat patunyan sa mga tao and wala kaming kakompetensya. lahat kusa. walang obligado or napipilitan. and i have a feeling that we are gonna be here a long time. ang sarap ng feeling na everyday gigising ako and i know that sa bilyon bilyong tao sa buong mundo, may isang tao na devoted sakin. hindi ako sasaktan. hindi ako idi-disappoint, and hindi hindi ako iiwan. ung makikipagpatayan para sakin regardless or tama or mali ako. it feels so good to be appreciated for simply who i am. including all my assets and flaws. i dont need to change my personality just to suit what he wants me to be. ind ko kailangang magalala that some other girl might woo him away. im not perfect pero for him, im the one. ang sarap ng feeling to be able to share that kind of love with someone. im glad i have it with ericson dulman. with him, i can just be myself. wala akong kailangang baguhin. i can be a kid, a bitch , a lunatic, an old lady, a nagger and all that shit and i know he will still look at me the same. i can honestly say that life with him is way better. im in good terms with my parents and myself, i feel less stressed, and i dont feel alone. i am well appreciated and well loved. i'd have to admit nagiging dependent ako sa kanya for everything. so this is how it feels to have someone truly care for you. our relationship is certainly not perfect. we still have our ups and downs. we still fight and argue over the smallest things, haha. pero the thing is `breaking up`is never really an option. neither of us wants to let go. gaya nga ng sabi nia, its not worth breaking up over. kaya im more assured na hindi nia ako iiwan whenever we disagree. i admit indi ko pa totally naprepredict ung mga kilos nia at times and i end up hurt pero alam ko na i also hurt him more. sometimes the subject of the `past`still comes up but we`re both more anchored now to talk about it and not get carried away by raging emotions. we finally left it behind us. life with ericson is different kasi ako ung baby and surprisingly sa isang katulad ko ( na abot langit ang pride) i am more than willing to let him lead me. i trust him that much to entrust the whole relationship decision making to him. we`d both voice out our opinions but i let him say the final word. when i look at him, i dont only see my bf, but a lifetime partner (hopefully!). xempre hindi lang naman dahil sa knya ung pagbabago ko. also, it is about me. i can safely say that i have a different mindset now. he always tells me na my past really changed me, good and bad. i guess it did. pero in my perspective, i have more good changes that bad after effects. i am more conscious with my relationship now. i dont want to repeat all the stupid things i did that lead to my downfall. especially not with this relationship. its hard to find a good man now a days. i just got lucky. naaappreciate ko lahat ng mga comments ng friends ko about my new image. kahit naman hindi ko sabihin, they can see na im happy and more at ease. its been so long since i last heard a good complement about me, about how i look and about the relationship im in. im glad he gets to hang out with my friends and they like him as is. i am more routed to the ground now. and i don't build my life around ericson. i dont want to. i want to build my life with him. not for him. ayoko na ako nalang ung nasusunod and when my plans do the way it should be, ako lang naman ang naaapektuhan. i've had a lot of firsts with him. and im glad na its with a man that truly loves me. i just wish us more happiness as we move along. and well, im giving it all up to god. as a christian, i figured i was not really living the christian life before. kaya now i want to do it the right way. i lift everything to god, kasi he can do more that we can to keep this relationship strong and blessed. i gotta get back to studying!