can't sleep..

it's 1:42am and im still awake..here are some thoughts running through my mind..

namiss ko ang baguio ..nakita ko kasi ung pictures ng mga friends ko sa panagbenga 2007 and again na-realize ko kung gaano ko namiss ung lugar na yun. not just the place, but my whole life..napapaisip tuloy ako pano kya kung nagtuloy ako dun? naging masaya kaya ako?or lalong nahirapan..what ifs, but and if only's..lahat ng yun..pero all i can do now is wish and look back kasi whether i like it or not andito na ako eh..lagi nga sinasabi ni erick sakin na i should just move on and there is no sense in holding to the past..pero somehow i can't find myself letting go totally..coz how can you let go your whole life? pano ko kakalimutan yun eh simula pa yun na ang naging takbo ng buhay ko at hindi ko naman talaga gustong baguhin ito..kinailangan lang...sayang sana andun ako..naisip ko lang.. bat nga ba sunflower and sybol ng panagbenga? haha

second thought...inlove na ba ako? kasi kasama ko lang naman kanina si erick pero sobrang namimiss ko siya..i wanna be with him all the time.prang kulang pa yung kalahating araw na kasama ko siya. fuck ang malas ko nmn talaga oo.. napagisip-isip ko 3 times in a week lang pala kami magkita. come to think of it, that's not bad at all. pero i kinda wished na i could see him more than that. but then pag ganun wala na ako time to study. i dont know. praning nanaman ata ako. i guess i just kinda miss him. kasi sometimes, even if i'm with him prang wala din eh..i just feel distant cguro that's it..but it doesn't change the fact that i still miss him..mejo naguusap na rin kami ng mama nia..i'm not really good with moms kasi this is my first time to encounter one that is hard to please (dati kasi they liked me) im not a sociable person, hindi kasi ako mahilig sa kwentuhan with matatanda eh..pero i think naman na we are at good terms so far..hope it stays that way...o well wish i could see him more...hay buhay nmn talaga puro malas...

third thought ,natatakot na ko dito sa winnipeg ang daming nara-rape at pinapatay na pinay at sa downtown pa..hate this place lalo ko tuloy sinumpa tong lugar na toh ng hindi sinasadya..hay naku makahanap na nga ng ibang trabaho..and this time tototohanin ko na haha

fourth thought? ang hectic ng sked ko this week.i have 2 exams and 1 paper due this week..plus ung stress galing sa loan at tax ko..money1money!money!,,sometimes i kinda wish na sana hindi nalang ako tumanda..parang hindi ko ata kaya ang pressures ng adulthood.. ang daming iniisip at prinoproblema. lahat ng bagay dapat logical, may explanation, may purpose..hindi pede yung bahala na dahil maraming consequences na pdeng mangyari..sana pede pa rin ako maging happy-go-lucky lang..panay pa reklamo ni erick sa "childish" wa y ng pagsalita ko..and i always argue na its my personality..sabi nia mannerism ko na daw yun hindi daw personality.. but if i take it out then parang hindi na rin ako yung jolly phoebi dati..ewan ko..why is he suppressing the real me? if he can't take it then fine he is more than welcome to leave, no one is making him stay..hehhe

fifth? 2:03am na itutulo ko nalang toh..hanggang sa muling kabilugan ng buwan hahaha..in the mean tim.. you take care okei?and enjoy life...