hanggang san?

hanggang san ko nga ba kayang magtiis?i thought nagbago na siya. ok na kami diba? for the last few weeks ok naman eh so far until tonight. ewan ko kung kaya ko pa magpauto sa kanya its been 4 months now akala ko kahit konti mapapatino ko siya pero bat ganun lahat naman binigay ko. i did everything he wanted. am i not yet enough? sobrang indi ba talaga nia ako kayang seryosohin? tanggap ko naman eh umpisa palang na ind nia akong kayang seryosohin. i knew very well that he was a player and ind isang tulad ko ang magpapatino sa knya. cguro deep inside umasa pa rin ako that's why i didn't give up on him. im still here am i not? i was hoping na he will still change na kahit konti lang mag-mature xa. i dont know for sure kung may nabago nga sa knya pero sa nakikita ko masasabi kong he's still the same jerk he used to be. kelan siya titino?hanggang kelan ako aasa na magtitino pa nga siya?na he will stick to one. ang sarap pakinggan all the lies that guy's say pag kaharap ka nila but then after that what's left is this nagging feeling kung totoo ba talaga lahat yun. cguro nga i didn't trust him enough. i was always nosy. god knows i tried. i tried to trust him. dinedma ko lahat ng suspicious moves nia. lahat ng sinabi nia pinaniwalaan ko. pero everyday im struggling. every single day.

sayo, sana mabasa mo lahat toh. ewan ko kung pano pero sana kahit dito lang makinig ka naman sakin. i've always been here for you. you know that. lagi lang ako nakaantabay. sa lahat ng problema mo i was always ready to listen. i was always there to answer your first call. i never left you hanging. thank you for everything. sa lahat ng effort mo. sa lahat ng pagtatanggol sa mommy mo. sa lahat ng "advice".pero wag na nating ipilit kung ayaw talaga. im not trying to compare or anything pero minsan kasi nakikita kong wala sayo ung mga hinahanap ko. im sorry to say that. i need someone responsible. someone honest and trustworthy.someone who is not just sweet but romantic at heart. someone who will be proud of me and can accept me for just being me.someone who will stop and listen to what i have to say. someone who will be a crying shoulder. someone who i can grow with. im not trying to judge you because of your past. pero minsan cguro ind mo rin maiwasan na maging player kasi its always been in your nature. i guess talgang magkaiba lang tayo. im more of the serious type. hindi ako flirt, player, slut or whatever. we are the exact opposites. thanks for trying to fit in pero i guess ind ko kayang mag fit in sa klase ng relationship na gusto mong ibigay sakin. gusto ko ng someone na pang matagalan. i guess you're just not like that. kaya wag na natin ipilit.

i wanna let go. god knows i do pero mahirap. ind ko alam kung dahil ba sa sobrang bait ko or talgang nagpapakatanga na ako sayo. i wanna believe na lahat ng sinasabi mo totoo pero indi kasi un ang pinapakita mo sakin. i know you're just saying that kasi you have to kasi girlfriend mo ko. pero mas gusto ko maging honest ka and hurt me by doing so kesa sa pakiligin mo ko with lies. i dont know kung saan magsisimula to let go. but one thing is for sure. im getting tired of this. prang ind ko na ata kayang paulit ulit nalang laging ganito. umpisa palang kasi mali na tayo eh. kya cguro ind rin nagwowork out toh. sating dalawa ako lang naman ang umintindi diba?ako lang ang nagmamahal. ako lang ang naghahandle ng relationship. nakakapagod din kasi mag-clean up ng mess mo. you only want me when you're in need. pero pag wala you take me for granted. i'm fed up and i wanna let go. but please let me move on. for the last time be honest and then just step aside and let me move on. kung may hiya ka pang natitira sa katawan mo alam mong ind tulad mo ang para sakin and sa dinami dami ng mga kasalanan and favor ne hiningi mo from me the least thing you can do is to set me free and let me find a better someone coz you know i dont deserve you....and you certainly dont deserve me..